Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Pooping to opera.
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