I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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