she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
