Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
