The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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