Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
