I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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