i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
