Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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