I wish I could punch you in the face.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You pole danced in your parka.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
