my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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