forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
