Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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