Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
