The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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