I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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