She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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