Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You are the jesus of drinking
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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