im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
