Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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