this beer tastes like vomit already
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
