Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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