So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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