Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
