Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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