just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
