doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
