dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
