stop calling my apartment porn island.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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