Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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