It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
