If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
