I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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