During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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