Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
