it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
