You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
