I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
