a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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