My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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