That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
