My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
