some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
