Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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