Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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