I want to stick my p in your. b.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
