First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
