Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
