I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
