i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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