Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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