I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
