wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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