it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I understand Curling. That high.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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